It’s nearly Valentine’s Day, the time of year when we’re reminded to take a little time out to focus on romance. Here are few ways that the mindful approach can really spice up life in the bedroom.
When we first fall in love it can actually be hard to take our mind off the person we’ve fallen for. Whether we’re stuck in a dull work meeting or doing the weekly shop, somehow they are all we think about. Yet if things go well, really well -- to the point where we decide to stay together for the long haul, somewhere along the way, we start to think about work, weekly chores and a long string of other things before we remember to take time out with our ‘other half’.
While for most of us mindfulness is about reconnecting with ourselves and having some ‘me’ time, it is actually a really good technique for strengthening our relationships and particularly for bringing a really lovely new sensuous passion back into a relationship. Here are a few examples of how it works...
Mindfulness in day to day life
There’s no doubt about it, the way we treat each other in the everyday mundane minutae of the day spills over into physical passion for each other. So if you’re the sort of couple who pass like ships in the night as you roll out of bed and head your separate ways to work, or whose greeting when you come home is a half hearted ‘I’m home’ before you head to the TV / fridge / shower, the apathy will spill over into a slightly less enthusiastic relationship in the bedroom.
Take a few moments whenever you greet your other half, to just appreciate them. It’s as simple as a kiss and a smile when you both wake up; a few minutes for a long kiss or a quiet cuddle when you come home from work. Be mindful of how good it is to wake up next to your partner, or to know they are there for you after a long day. The mindfulness will soon work it’s magic…
Mindfulness at the dinner table
At it’s heart, seduction is really about being sensuous. Paying careful attention and encouraging your other half to pay attention to the aromas, flavours and textures of a lovingly prepared meal is another great stepping stone on the road to a very passionate encounter. Enjoy a really good glass of wine together as you cook. Take time to breathe in the scents of herbs you chop and the changing fragrances of the meal as it is prepared. Candles are a cliche for a reason, as is good music. What really works, however, is if you take time to appreciate all the five senses: the tastes, fragrances, sounds, colours and warmth that surround you. Use mindfulness to connect with your physical senses when you are both alone together.
Mindfulness in conversation
If there is one person who should give you an honest answer to the question ‘How are you?’ it’s your other half. Yet it is so very easy to drift off and not pay attention, or not to actually ask the question. Spend an evening every so often just doing a little litmus test of how your other half is. Do they look tired or stressed? Are they anxious or happy? What’s worrying them and what are they most looking forward to at the moment? Just a half hour coffee break or a short walk can be enough to ask those questions. When you do, you can be surprised at how good it feels to reconnect. Little and often is the key.
Mindfulness in the bedroom
Our physical love life changes as a relationship grows. Think back to when you are with someone for the very first time and everything is new and your mind is focused on so many things: nerves, excitement, how they might react to seeing your body for the first time. But the sheer physical experience of the first time you make love can be so powerful that you forget any self consciousness. Then there is often a blissful stage as a romance really gets going. After time, things can become more intimate, more relaxed. You may lose the initial thrill of discovery, but reap the benefits of someone knowing you and your body intimately. Our love life can also become habitual, predictable. Mindfulness can really bring passion and real pleasure back into the equation.
Simply focusing on the physical sensation of how our partner's skin feels on ours, the experiences and physical feelings of each present moment really heightens those sensations. If you’re tired, or anxious about things, if you find your mind drifting towards reaching the end of the encounter, or worse -- that you still have to do the dishes, draw yourself back to the present. Remember- to love and be loved is a gift. Think about each touch as it comes, how great your body feels right now. Enjoying each sensation is a great way to bring you into the moment and the sheer joy and intimacy of it. And it's not just you who benefits -- nothing is sexier than someone who is genuinely enjoying your touch and your body.
A few things to enhance mindfulness...
All of our body balms and oils are made with natural, organic oils which are completely safe to use for a full, romantic massage.
Did you know, vanilla has been used as an aphrodisiac for centuries?
Soften and protect your lips for lots of kisses.